Saturday, 27 August 2016


     I swear I’m growing up.
typical teen who loves to see pretty things, n wanna try out some that are applicable. ((apart from chasing for my "ship of knowledge" , upcoming career(ameen)....of course!! that's for a bright future. InshaAllah))

~~so, in the middle of my love-hate relationship with what i'm currently studying now :

I still find myself browsing shopbop and all the online shopping websites, but I’m more cautious of what I buy. teehee.
I’ll see the clothes and think to myself, “I always buy this kind of style” or “I already have that colour” or “Is this really worth the shipping and the customs tax?” ((urmm,,maybe becuz mak used to work in finance department in customs before??,,i don't know))
After so many questions posed to my conscience, I start to think the most dangerous question of all times.
Because logic can’t be argued with, I sadly remove all the 10 items in my online basket.
And I sadly exit the browser window.
Some more depressing days, I ask myself, “Can I afford it?”
Suddenly, the automated machine card just shines and glows itself from my purse, overshadowing the other junk in there.((NO zahirah!! that is your saving for a bright future. By then i mula membebel kat diri sendiri about having a good grasp in what i learnt at campus(( it's BSc(hons) Financial Mathematics zahirah!! manage ur expenses well,,u surely need it for ur own channel shoes, balenciaga bags,,,n the most prior: for postgraduate study!!))

Oh, the devil. I start picturing my dad’s face, telling me to buy it please because “I want you to be happy, my munchkin.” (He never calls me that but at this point, I think whatever I want to think)
I bite my lip and slowly reach for it.
“Can I really live with myself making my dad pay this much for a top, when I won’t even pay that much using my own money?”
NOOOOOOOO!!! Stop it stop it stop it.
When did I become like this?! When did I become sensible?
I used to not be able to sleep if I didn’t get that one thing I was eye-ing in the shop. I used to toss and turn in bed, and stand in front of the store as soon as it opens the next day. I used to pamper myself. I used to love myself!! Ugh…my poor loveless soul.
Now, I…think.
What’s with women and thinking too much?!
Nowadays, I can look at something really really pretty and know I want it, but don’t need it. I don’t have dreams about it anymore. I don’t have the urge to buy it anymore. If I can’t have it there and then, I can easily forget about it a few hours later. And I’m even happy knowing that my account is still in tact.
I start thinking (here I go again, thinking!) about the future and how I have to save up for….the future. I don’t exactly know what the future wants me to buy, but I know it’s going to be expensive!
Ugh, growing up and responsibilities.
But come to think of it….Would my future realllyyyy be damaged if I buy this one designer top?
After all, as my good friend always says, “buy now, think later.”
I’m so confused! Hehe kidding

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