Little Talk

" dear Allah, please ease my stuffs, and give me strength to do these. Verily you are most gracious most merciful.."

Growing And Growing

I used to want everything I said to make perfect sense to someone else, because I was looking for Acceptance.

Really, that's what it came down to. Acceptance. The external "rewards" of making perfect sense, whether on the bowling floor or in a college class or in a corporate job meant I might be OK ... I might not be a freak or a weirdo or abnormal.

So striving for perfect sense made, well, perfect sense.

But as I grow in my own self-awareness, I realize that I don't really want to make "perfect sense." After all, there is no such thing as perfect, which I didn't realize growing up. Perfectionism is a curse until you become aware of what's actually behind the persona of perfectionism: a longing for acceptance, in my case.

I always had crazy, wacky, out-there ideas.Briefly to describe :: CURIOUSITY. As far back as I can remember, I was asking questions no one else was, and wondering why they all "got it" when I wanted more information. Eventually I learned to stop questioning and follow the crowd so I could fit in, as much as a 5'4"(referring to inches n height) 10-year-old can fit in. I wanted desperately to have some companionship with my wacky thought patterns, but since I didn't feel I could share them for fear I'd be chastised, I took what I could get.

How I longed to make "perfect sense" to someone!

And now, many years (and quite a few more inches in height) later, I find that I really don't want to make perfect sense at all. In fact, I want to INVITE DIALOGUE, which means we all get to learn from each other while asking questions that may challenge that "perfect sense" sense. When all the players in a dialogue feel refreshed and enlivened, that's my definition of a good day's work.

You never know when we might discover and create our own "perfect sense."
And this upcoming semester, will surely be a pre-intro for getting into the industry. Math-Geeks! Risk-Geeks!
Welcome 3rd year.
After all, may allah ease my journey. To learn more. To contribute a bit to the planet. To enchant my parents. Ultimately, be a good caliph to my god. 

Standing

17/9/2014

I'm exactly 20 y/o !

alhamdulillah.

Thanks to the omnipresent god for granting all my wishes all this while.

Being given the chance to savour those up and down in life can be truly said as a fantastic living paraphernalia.

Challenge is my cardio.

Award is my booster.

And after all, these make me to be even more stronger than i would have ever expected before.

It makes me wiser (hopefully)

InshaAllah

Just got a call from my beloved parents, and apparently their support for me never fade off,, just like the rays of the sun that never stop from shining over the lush green greeneries during summers.

I feel better. Stronger. Indeed.

May Allah ease the journey that i would have to go through in the upcoming time.

~~bye, got to proceed on my sort of preparation for tomorrow's class : Linear Algebra~~

Learn More

I notice one thing.

that...I want to make it simple.

just read more. learn more.

know what,,I think the best way to get relevant information is by doing your task regardless of how tedious that might be..indeed..tedious,tiring but worthwhile to be endured.

p/s : haritu masa FIMACS (seminar math + sains dlm perspektif islam ),,Prof Dr eskandar pesan yg we hv to tune our mind..Buka minda..ur in math,,also in economic. Economy is always undergo evolution. Kamu yg brtggjwb fikirkan solusi utk setiap isu ekonomi + kewangan,,tapi bukan cakap kosong...must be proven mathematically..jatuh bangun kewangan brgantung pd cara kamu brfikir nanti...

macam mana islam terapkan konsep "perfect competition" ,,macamtu jgklah kamu perlu faham ianya kadang2 bermula dari "monopoly market",,dan akhirnya setelah kira2 "derivatif" (x kisah berapa kali differentiation pun),,ianya akan berakhir dgn "perfect competition".

senyap. diam. otak berfikir apa maksud Dr.

*dari awal dah terfikir benda yg sama yg mcm dr ckp,,tapi takut salah pulak..=D

mungkin logik akal aku boleh pakai kali ni....mungkinla..

~selamat menyambut maal hijrah~

Choices

To be exact, this entry was initially written on 2012.

Until then I reread this entry, and alhamdulillah I think I have made the right choice.

Nope. I didn't go for this offer.

But I thank god for revealing me the wisdom of my choice gradually.

" But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. "

Living Of Calculus

I just wanna share a video which has really really really SLAP me literally.
I used to be dummies in numbers , asking how exactly I can use my mathematical knowledge in daily life.
If it comes to Biology , I can say it is hugely related to our medication.
When it goes to Chemistry , this might be useful for our material consumption (( it just like,how to choose the best quality for your products consumption)) .

C0nfuse of what I was trying to say ? 
Ok , let's take a look for an example , if you tend to buy a special lustrous-metallic pictures frame , and you want it made from the best quality ever , and the only left are Titanium n common Iron...so , pretty sure the ones made from titanium would be choosen , ((here,,we use chemistry,,since we know that it is freaking strong ))

but...... ,when it goes to math....function , calculus , limits...ugh  "how on earth i can practice them in my life??" " heyy,,we don't say to use 1+1=2 2+2=4,,just to buy groceries , that's not really the math that we learnt,,,i mean,,the unexplicable math that you guys can't simply use your fingers to figure out the answer...~~calculus~~...
Till one day,,I watched this video,,,actually math don't directly show up to you of how it could be useful in its own way...I mean,,indirectly,,math is 'teaching' us to guide our lives...briefly,,to make a simple "calculation" for every action that we're about to take.....
lets have a watch :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pJiXBRuLB-s#!

~~see,,how allah has created the knowledge for it's own good...

how mesmerizing right ! :)

Reality Is So Real

I used to admit that my blog is just my fairyland before , till then I begin to change up my mind..
Whenever I got something to be blurted , or maybe to be shared , blog , twitter , facebook aren't exactly the things that come cross my mind.

Hmm,,maybe I've just created those for fun. FUN SERIOUSLY?? Err,maybe just sort of babbling...Yes , you would have to agree with me , whenever you talk on something , you would probably feel as if your burdens flow out together with your words...blog layout could be my 'motivation fairyland' , just in case if I need one.

Doing mistakes by mistakes...keep repeating the same..
sometimes I have to admit this..I felt guilty...,,then I ask forgiveness from my Lord,,then , commit the sin again..

SOUNDS SILLY HUHH??

Its just like I'm not serious wf my repentance..shame on me.. shame..then,,when it c0mes to shaytan's whisper,,Zahirah might someh0w  'lost her balance'..

**AGHAST**

someh0w,,

Exactly..indeed!

You might wonder to know why I wrote this entry,,pretty sure it does sound like a bitch who had created big + mess sins...to be brief,,a bulk of...
well,,it's up to you to judge..but basically,,I just tend to write this entry with my heart openly...with the reality,,that I am just a human,,who belongs to the Lord,,yes,,to my lord,--ALLAH S.W.T
It's not necessarily for us to have a repentance just only after committing sins right??
In fact,,we should try to avoid any any any any....

You know,,I just read the main content of that 'ceramah' ,written by a friend...,.,there's a question regarding repentance::
"ustaz, will Allah accept our taubah (repentance) eventhough we keep commiting sins and after that seek for forgiveness, and the cycle goes on ?"

then,,what did he answered??

''ALLAH loves the one who seeks for HIS forgiveness,,it shows that your heart is still pure..you feel guilty for committing sins,,,and you try to put all the things back...."

Thanks to allah f0r HIS forgiveness...

This somehow reminds me that nobody on this world perfect , yet , there's always room for improvement.

~when the sun goes down,,and the light burns out,,then its time for you to shine,,,brighter than shooting star,,,so shine no matter where you are~

Goshhh,,its just a song,,okay readers,lets cut the crap off~~

But,,again,,i repeat,,**high enthusiasm**

''I believe,,there's nothing impossible to a willing heart...''

Right , after a long break from blogging , now I'm not pretty sure how to end my entry.

but , of all I know : by remembering ALLAH in my little heart.

“Katakanlah (Wahai Muhammad), jika benar kamu mencintai Allah, maka ikutilah aku, nescaya Allah akan mencintaimu & mengampunkan dosa-dosamu . Sesungguhnya Dia Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang.”

(Surah Ali-Imran 3 : 31)